我的版块:
您尚未登录,请登录后查看已收藏版块
站务 | 帮助  

首页 > 论坛首页 > 留学移民 > 英语沙龙 > 帖子正文

新 帖 回 复
查看     | 回复 3 【大歪老师的写作小灶】第二期:如何发散思维议论“名人的成功”

多伦多雅思学校

多伦多雅思学校
| 只看楼主

考官范文分析2

题目: 名人的成功

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour andwealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to youngpeople. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


这里我们只关注主体段写法.



MB1


Step1 - 大家看着中文思路自己先写一次

观点:
如果名人的财富和外貌吸引过多的注意, 这会传递一个信息:成功无需努力和塑造好个性

举例:
很多有名的歌星, 电视明星和体育明星因其奢侈的生活方式而出名, 但很少人知道他们如何培养技能和为职业长时间工作

结果:
羡慕这些明星的年轻人会更注重他们的外表, 衣着打扮而不是技能, 学历和个性, 他们很难成功



Step2 -大家看着思路+词伙自己再修改一次



  • attract excessive attention 吸引过多的注意


  • build good character 塑造好个性


  • television personalities 电视名人


  • sports celebrities 体育明星


  • extravagant lifestyles 奢侈的生活方式


  • develop skills 培养技能



Step3 - 细度原版英文,关注词伙,连词和句型

If the wealth and appearance of those famous people attractexcessive attention, this may promote the idea that success can be achievedwithout working hard and building good character. Many famous singers,television personalities and sports celebrities have been known for theirextravagant lifestyles, but little is known about how they develop skills andwork long hours for their careers. Young people who admire these celebritiesmay pay more attention to their own appearance and dresses than to skills,qualifications and qualities, so thy can hardly succeed.


Step4 - 自己不看英文再写几次,写到熟练为止



MB2


Step1 - 大家看着中文思路自己先写一次


观点:
很多人没有努力但成名了

解释:
他们可能从父母那里继承了财产, 嫁给有名或有钱的人, 或者因为出现在八卦杂志或真人秀节目

举例:
Paris Hilton, 有钱,出名的原因却不受人待见。她参加派对和酒吧, 她的出名传递这么一个观念:外貌,魅力和媒体曝光比努力和好个性更为重要

结果:
这给你年轻人传达的信息是获得成功很容易, 学业并不重要


Step2 - 大家看着思路+词伙自己再写一次




  • achieve fame 出名


  • inherited money 继承财产


  • gossip magazines 八卦杂志


  • a reality TV programme 真人秀节目


  • attend parties 参加派对


  • media profile 媒体曝光


  • hard work 勤奋


  • good character 好的素质


  • school work 学业



Step3 - 细度原版英文,关注词伙,连词和句型

On the one hand, many people do achieve fame without reallyworking for it. They may have inherited money from parents, married a famous orwealthy person, or they may have appeared in gossip magazines or on a realityTV programme. A good example would be Paris Hilton, who is rich and famous forthe wrong reasons. She spends her time attending parties and nightclubs, andher behaviour promotes the idea that appearance, glamour and media profile aremore important than hard work and good character. The message to young peopleis that success can be achieved easily, and that school work is not necessary.


Step4 - 自己不看英文再写几次,写到熟练为止


回复 引用 收藏 举报
+1
(0)

论坛热帖

多伦多雅思学校

多伦多雅思学校
| 只看楼主
     2 楼

多伦多雅思学校

多伦多雅思学校
| 只看楼主
     3 楼
  返回列表 1 到第 确定
新 帖 回 复
标题
    
禁用 URL 识别
禁用表情
禁用 Discuz!NT 代码
使用个人签名
Processed in 62.5246ms; querycount:5