我的版块:
您尚未登录,请登录后查看已收藏版块
站务 | 帮助  

首页 > 论坛首页 > 留学移民 > 英语沙龙 > 帖子正文

新 帖 回 复
查看     | 回复 3 教雅思的Peter: 这篇文章从第一句跑题到最后一句

教雅思的Peter

教雅思的Peter
| 只看楼主

更多的私房干货关注微信公众号:教雅思的Peter


Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world. Subjects like science and technology are more important than history.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


学生的原文:

However, other people attach more importance on science and technology. Compared to the history, science and technology subject are more practical.  This means the knowledge we learned from schools could be applied in the workplace or our daily life. For instance, the development of friendly-user smartphones could bring more convenience for purchase, like the fingerprint application on ID touch enable us to unlock screen by using finger rather than having a password. It is because the engineers learn the science and technology to create this new function.


逐句分析:


原句01 However, other people attach more importance on science and technology.

分析:第一句就开始跑题,题目让你分析的的有关科技的学科,而不是科技本身

修改 However, other people attach more importance to subjects in science and technology.


原句02 This means the knowledge we learned from schools could be applied in the workplace or our daily life.

分析:前几天我一个学美术的朋友给我画了个肖像。这也是知识对生活的应用。一定要突出科技这个关键词。

修改:This means the knowledge about science and technology we learned from schools could be applied in the workplace and our daily life.


原句03: For instance, the development of friendly-user smartphones could bring more convenience for purchase, like the fingerprint application on ID touch enable us to unlock screen by using finger rather than having a password.

分析:还是那个问题,这个句子依旧讨论的是科技,而不是跟科技相关的学科

修改: For instance, some students who graduate from computer engineering programs can develop user-friendly smartphones, which allows us to purchase apps and items online with touch ID rather than entering the password.


原句04:It is because the engineers learn the science and technology to create this new function.

修改:这句话依旧没有突出学科。工程师可以在工作以后自学。

修改:It is because the teachers of subjects about science and technology impart the necessary knowledge to the engineers to develop such functions.


完整的范文:However, other people attach more importance to subjects in science and technology. This means the knowledge about science and technology we learned from schools could be applied in the workplace and our daily life. For instance, some students who graduate from computer engineering programs can develop user-friendly smartphones, which allows us to purchase apps and items online with touch ID rather than entering the password. It is because the teachers of subjects about science and technology impart the necessary knowledge to the engineers to develop such functions.


回复 引用 收藏 举报
+1
(0)

论坛热帖

教雅思的Peter

教雅思的Peter
| 只看楼主
     2 楼
往期回顾:
我的写作5.5到7.5的经验
http://forum.yorkbbs.ca/english/4750502.aspx


Peter讲雅思写作:这篇个段落是怎么跑题的(1)
http://forum.yorkbbs.ca/english/4750525.aspx

Peter讲雅思写作:这篇个段落是怎么跑题的(2)
http://forum.yorkbbs.ca/english/4750946.aspx

Peter讲雅思写作:这篇雅思作文好多语法错误,怎么改呢?1
http://forum.yorkbbs.ca/english/4751503.aspx

Peter讲雅思写作:这篇雅思作文好多语法错误,怎么改呢?2
http://forum.yorkbbs.ca/english/4752049.aspx

教雅思的Peter:为什么考生在考场上遇到背过了范文,还是5.5
http://forum.yorkbbs.ca/english/4752627.aspx

教雅思的Peter:有一个很常用的犯罪类词汇,但是90%以上的中国考生不知道
http://forum.yorkbbs.ca/english/4753116.aspx

教雅思的Peter:雅思写作范文 如何改善交通
http://forum.yorkbbs.ca/english/4753486.aspx

教雅思的Peter:教雅思的Peter 雅思写作范文 老师网络电视哪个好
http://forum.yorkbbs.ca/english/4754470.aspx

Peter讲雅思写作:一个例子就能把你拉到5.5
http://forum.yorkbbs.ca/english/4755609.aspx

教雅思的Peter

教雅思的Peter
| 只看楼主
     3 楼
课程介绍雅思一对一

所有课程均为在线课程,足不出户即可上课,不用担心Parking和停车位哦

我每个周就只拿出16小时上一对一,或上限为四名学生,目前已经售出8小时,也就是说,目前只收两名一对一学生。

你将获得:
学生写每一篇作文都会有Peter本人的详细讲解
20道雅思写作预测题
针对每个学生的情况,制定听说读写详细学习计划

原价:60加币/小时
由于微信公众号刚开,所以有折扣
价格:40加币/小时
或: 210人民币/小时
这个定价是以加币为基础定价,所以人民币定价会根据汇率浮动,不过同时支持支付宝和微信支付,所以国内的同学也可以报名


联系方式加微信:



  返回列表 1 到第 确定
新 帖 回 复
标题
    
禁用 URL 识别
禁用表情
禁用 Discuz!NT 代码
使用个人签名
Processed in 46.875ms; querycount:5